Toughen Up?

I hate to see my daughter hurt; especially when I can do nothing about it.  Yet the somewhat comforting thing about physical hurt is that it can be managed.  Pick her up, brush her off, kiss it better, and maybe apply a band-aid (or two or three).  After all, nothing left but a tiny scar.

What about the stuff that leaves a bigger scar?  The stuff you can't take back?  This is where my story begins.  There is a little girl at daycare, let's call her Mean Girl.  One day Luci comes home from school and says, "Mean Girl says I'm ugly."  SCREECH!  Wha?  Huh?  Not sure I heard right, I asked, "What'd you say?"  "Mean Girl says I'm ugly."  She tells me the story (insert two year old speak) and while shaking my head and staring at Chad, I reply, "First of all, you are beautiful and second, that is not a nice word.  We don't use that word.  If she does that again, you tell her that that is not nice and we don't talk like that."

I mention it at daycare, provider obviously does not believe me (I am have Mean Girl for three years, doesn't sound like her).  When I pick her up, she has changed her tune and explains the "circumstances" of why she would use that word.  Don't care, not acceptable.

Fast forward to a week later.  Luci:  "Mean Girl told me that my hair was not curly and it is.  She says only beautiful princesses have curly hair and hers is.  But mine's not."  At this point, my advice was repeated through gritted teeth. Not nice, bla, bla, bla.  Don't use that word and so on.  I am really starting to get annoyed now.  Who is this Hitler 4 year old and what does she have against my kid:?  My amazingly beautiful kid?

Now we are onto this week.  Luci brings home a very pretty picture of flowers that she made.  She is obviously proud.  "Mean girl says my picture is ugly.  I don't think my picture is ugly.  I told her that word is not nice and we don't use that word."  Cheering my girl on, I tell her how proud I am of her.  Inwardly, I am seething.

I don't care about Mean Girl (well I do really).  The bigger issue is what Mean Girl represents.  My daughter is going to get knocked down, both physically and mentally for the rest of her life.  People are going to intentionally and unintentionally make her feel small and worthless.  But at two?  I don't have enough band aids to fix all that will ail her, hurt her, or scar her over the years.  Life is tough, I get that.  But two year old skin is about as soft as it gets.  She is not going to remember Mean Girl and all the stupid things she says.  But one day she is going to feel less than perfect.  I just want that day to be as close to her 50th birthday as possible.