I only get time for naps in the summer. The irony of this is that I am not usually that tired in the summer. The time when I really need it is during the school year and there is no time for that. It makes me less crabby, more relaxed, and a much nicer person. I need a time to renew myself just like Luci does everyday.
Why don't we take more naps as adults. Luci has been sleeping through the night since about 6 weeks. At that time, her naps were still sporadic. As she grew older, she just fell into a pretty good schedule where she naps about 10 and then again about 3. I schedule those naps into our days. We don't go anywhere during those times because I know she needs it. Yes, it takes alot of work and sometimes I have to miss out on fun. But I know that as she gets older, the naps will disapear and we can have lots of fun together all day long. Those naps are as much for her as they are for me.
I've been making a habit to relax during one of Lucis' naps. During the 10:00 rest time, I get busy cleaning. During the afternoon nap, I rest. I don't always fall asleep, but I relax. I don't think of all of the things I should be doing; rather I think about what I want to do. Do I want to read a book, use my hour of television for the day, close my eyes and rest, or sit on the porch swing and stare at the cars and animals that go by? That time is mine.
I hope I can find some time in the fall to relax. I don't relax easily. I don't stop readily. So this is big for me. I am going to try to schedule those down times during the school day, when I get home, and on the weekends. Yet I worry that when the pressure is on, I will fold and just start rushing again. So right now, I relish these quiet times.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
I was going to be the perfect parent
I thought I knew it all before Luci came into the world. I was that judgemental person sitting there talking junk about all the parenting decisions others had made and I had no right to critique.
"Can you believe they are letting her eat that?"
"Why don't they just tell him to stop crying?"
"No way! They are not letting her do that!" The list goes on and on of things I said and shouldn't have. I apologize profusely to all those people who didn't know what I was doing and any friends who did. I thought you were wrong, but it was me.
I was going to have a natural childbirth without the assistance of pain meds because I was strong. This is now coming from a mommy whose blood pressure continued to rise to such dangerous levels that an emergency c section was scheduled. Three hours later, I met my little bug in a very different manner than expected. The four inch scar on my belly is now a reminder that although I would like for things to be a certain way, they never are. My c-section was such a positive experience and I have only good memories of my time in the hospital. Next time, I will try to a vaginal birth, but this comes with an understanding that that may not be possible.
I was going to breastfeed. It is best for the child and any parent who doesn't is just being selfish. Well that didn't work out the way I wanted. A combination of a bad latcher, misguided lactation advice, and retained placenta (yea, gross!) meant that my breastfeeding experience was short lived and extremely stressful. I was not up in the middle of the night crying because she would not sleep. No, I was up because I could not feed her and she was hungry. There is nothing worse, I mean nothing worse than knowing your child is hungry and you are not able to do what you are supposed to do. Chad reminded me over and over again that formula was a good alternative, but it took a long time for me to come to that conclusion. In the end, I had to give in and feed my baby because she was losing weight. I continued to pump to give her the small amount I could produce, but also continued to feel like a failure. It is only now when she is almost seven months old that I realize it was not my fault. Hopefully next time it will turn out better.
It doesn't kill me to hear my baby cry. I confess. I am not a cold hearted person, I swear. It makes me feel for her, but I understand its necessary at times. I have a great baby who sleeps through the night and has since she began getting the nutrition she needed. I think this is partly because Chad and I let her learn to self soothe. I almost feel guilty about this. I hear my girl friends say, "I can't stand to hear him or her cry." I think to myself what is wrong with me? Why don't I feel that way? Don't get me wrong, when she is hurt or ill it makes me sad. She is so little and only has us to care for her. Yet when I put her down at night and she is not asleep and she starts to cry, I just close the door. Mind you, I don't turn on the monitor for five minutes because I know she is crying. Then I check on her to see if she is fizzling out. But its not as hard for me as I think it should be. It just shows you that mommies (and daddies) are so full of doubt even about the smallest things.
I think its cute when she screams in public. Luci is a happy baby who rarely cries unless she is tired or hungry. But lately, she has found her voice and can let that voice go. I know it drives others nuts and I shush her when she does it. But secretly inside, I say, "Go for it girl. Learn how to get what you need." I always thought I would strive to raise a quiet, obediant child because that is how I was raised. Yet I want a little girl who knows how to raise hell and at the same time knows when to zip it. I am going to let her scream so be prepared if you see us coming.
There are so many other things I do wrong. I don't sanatize everything that she comes in contact with. I let her watch tv. I compare her to other babies. I leave her in the johnny jumpup too long to get something done. I even put her in the johnny jump up (I know there are many who disagree with this.) I go out with my friends occasionally and leave her with a sitter overnight. I put her to bed with a bottle. I buy her too many clothes. The list goes on...
Yet I focus on all of the things I do well. She has two great parents who love her to peices. She has extended family and friends who think she is just the neatest little thing. I take her for walks and talk to her about what she is seeing. I ask her what she wants to wear every day. I smile every time I see her. I read to her. I play with her. I give her experiences that I never had. I give her space to crawl and move and learn about the world. This list goes on...
I was going to be the perfect parent. I may not be the perfect parent, but I am perfect for Luci. And she is perfect for me.
"Can you believe they are letting her eat that?"
"Why don't they just tell him to stop crying?"
"No way! They are not letting her do that!" The list goes on and on of things I said and shouldn't have. I apologize profusely to all those people who didn't know what I was doing and any friends who did. I thought you were wrong, but it was me.
I was going to have a natural childbirth without the assistance of pain meds because I was strong. This is now coming from a mommy whose blood pressure continued to rise to such dangerous levels that an emergency c section was scheduled. Three hours later, I met my little bug in a very different manner than expected. The four inch scar on my belly is now a reminder that although I would like for things to be a certain way, they never are. My c-section was such a positive experience and I have only good memories of my time in the hospital. Next time, I will try to a vaginal birth, but this comes with an understanding that that may not be possible.
I was going to breastfeed. It is best for the child and any parent who doesn't is just being selfish. Well that didn't work out the way I wanted. A combination of a bad latcher, misguided lactation advice, and retained placenta (yea, gross!) meant that my breastfeeding experience was short lived and extremely stressful. I was not up in the middle of the night crying because she would not sleep. No, I was up because I could not feed her and she was hungry. There is nothing worse, I mean nothing worse than knowing your child is hungry and you are not able to do what you are supposed to do. Chad reminded me over and over again that formula was a good alternative, but it took a long time for me to come to that conclusion. In the end, I had to give in and feed my baby because she was losing weight. I continued to pump to give her the small amount I could produce, but also continued to feel like a failure. It is only now when she is almost seven months old that I realize it was not my fault. Hopefully next time it will turn out better.
It doesn't kill me to hear my baby cry. I confess. I am not a cold hearted person, I swear. It makes me feel for her, but I understand its necessary at times. I have a great baby who sleeps through the night and has since she began getting the nutrition she needed. I think this is partly because Chad and I let her learn to self soothe. I almost feel guilty about this. I hear my girl friends say, "I can't stand to hear him or her cry." I think to myself what is wrong with me? Why don't I feel that way? Don't get me wrong, when she is hurt or ill it makes me sad. She is so little and only has us to care for her. Yet when I put her down at night and she is not asleep and she starts to cry, I just close the door. Mind you, I don't turn on the monitor for five minutes because I know she is crying. Then I check on her to see if she is fizzling out. But its not as hard for me as I think it should be. It just shows you that mommies (and daddies) are so full of doubt even about the smallest things.
I think its cute when she screams in public. Luci is a happy baby who rarely cries unless she is tired or hungry. But lately, she has found her voice and can let that voice go. I know it drives others nuts and I shush her when she does it. But secretly inside, I say, "Go for it girl. Learn how to get what you need." I always thought I would strive to raise a quiet, obediant child because that is how I was raised. Yet I want a little girl who knows how to raise hell and at the same time knows when to zip it. I am going to let her scream so be prepared if you see us coming.
There are so many other things I do wrong. I don't sanatize everything that she comes in contact with. I let her watch tv. I compare her to other babies. I leave her in the johnny jumpup too long to get something done. I even put her in the johnny jump up (I know there are many who disagree with this.) I go out with my friends occasionally and leave her with a sitter overnight. I put her to bed with a bottle. I buy her too many clothes. The list goes on...
Yet I focus on all of the things I do well. She has two great parents who love her to peices. She has extended family and friends who think she is just the neatest little thing. I take her for walks and talk to her about what she is seeing. I ask her what she wants to wear every day. I smile every time I see her. I read to her. I play with her. I give her experiences that I never had. I give her space to crawl and move and learn about the world. This list goes on...
I was going to be the perfect parent. I may not be the perfect parent, but I am perfect for Luci. And she is perfect for me.
Shopping the Outer Aisles
I shopped the outer aisles at Meijer today. Alright, that's not completely true, but its close. I went into the middle to get couscous and sparkling water so don't hate. I chose only items that needed further prep, not just things I can throw in a pot. Chad and I don't purchase a lot of those anyway, but today I made a conscious effort not to go there. And it was pretty easy.
I also didn't turn on the tv today until 7 pm. I thought this was going to be the hardest on my new to do list, but it wasn't. I made an effort not to turn on the tv when I walked into a room where one was. I am not a big television watcher, but I am a big listener. I like the background noise. Yet I learned something today. You hear so much more without it. I heard the birds. I heard my daughter making new sounds. I heard people saying hello to their families when they got home from work. I got a chance to hear myself. I thought today, alot. I liked it.
I also didn't turn on the tv today until 7 pm. I thought this was going to be the hardest on my new to do list, but it wasn't. I made an effort not to turn on the tv when I walked into a room where one was. I am not a big television watcher, but I am a big listener. I like the background noise. Yet I learned something today. You hear so much more without it. I heard the birds. I heard my daughter making new sounds. I heard people saying hello to their families when they got home from work. I got a chance to hear myself. I thought today, alot. I liked it.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Because I don't say it enough...
I don't say it enough. I love you. Thank you. You are amazing....
When I think back over the years of my life, you seem to always play a part. I know you weren't always there, but it feels like it. You have changed my life; actually became my life. When I met you, it didn't seem all that life changing. There wasn't that moment where I thought, I will be with this man forever. It didn't come then, but it came later.
It came when you watched fireworks with my grama while waiting for me to come back. It came when you skipped school to drive me back to college because I was sick. It came when you held me while I cried at David's funeral. It came when you asked me to marry you on top of a hill overlooking beautiful landscape. It came when you chose the perfect song for our first dance as a married couple. It came when you were just as sad as me when grama died. It came when you walked into our house before it was ours and said, "This is it." It came when I saw you snuggled up with Henry at the apartment the night before we moved into the house. It came when I saw how you looked at Luci for the first time.
Alright, it didn't magically happen that first time I saw you. But its happened since. Over and over. And I know it will continue for the rest of our lives. So again, thank you for being my partner, the father of my child, my life. Thank you for reminding me every day why you are amazing and why I am "The Luckiest."
When I think back over the years of my life, you seem to always play a part. I know you weren't always there, but it feels like it. You have changed my life; actually became my life. When I met you, it didn't seem all that life changing. There wasn't that moment where I thought, I will be with this man forever. It didn't come then, but it came later.
It came when you watched fireworks with my grama while waiting for me to come back. It came when you skipped school to drive me back to college because I was sick. It came when you held me while I cried at David's funeral. It came when you asked me to marry you on top of a hill overlooking beautiful landscape. It came when you chose the perfect song for our first dance as a married couple. It came when you were just as sad as me when grama died. It came when you walked into our house before it was ours and said, "This is it." It came when I saw you snuggled up with Henry at the apartment the night before we moved into the house. It came when I saw how you looked at Luci for the first time.
Alright, it didn't magically happen that first time I saw you. But its happened since. Over and over. And I know it will continue for the rest of our lives. So again, thank you for being my partner, the father of my child, my life. Thank you for reminding me every day why you are amazing and why I am "The Luckiest."
Living Simply
Trying new things is hard. Keeping up with those new things is even harder. I fell off the green wagon. I still did my thing, but stopped posting about it because life happened. The end of the year came and my focus turned to that and not this.
So I'm back, but different. This summer I am not only working on being green, but also on being simple. I want to learn to slow down, use less, and maybe save some money. I have always wanted to enjoy more time, waste less, lose some weight, and save some money. I decided that rather than focus on those goals, I am going to focus on one thing. Living simply. If any of the above mentioned things happen, bonus. So now my journey begins. Again.
So I'm back, but different. This summer I am not only working on being green, but also on being simple. I want to learn to slow down, use less, and maybe save some money. I have always wanted to enjoy more time, waste less, lose some weight, and save some money. I decided that rather than focus on those goals, I am going to focus on one thing. Living simply. If any of the above mentioned things happen, bonus. So now my journey begins. Again.
Monday, May 24, 2010
More Rules...
Day 4....The little things
Alright, I am so behind. Not behind on the things I am doing, but behind on sharing them with the world. Or at least those of you who make the effort to read this post. Its still pretty easy. The little things are adding up. I decided to focus on some small steps that I, as well as others, can do. I'm recycling batteries. Many cities have recycling bags or boxes you can get. Fill it with batteries, close it up, and send it back in. Yes, yes we should use rechargables and we do. But not for everything. On day 345 when I can think of nothing else to do, I will go to all rechargables. Gotta save that for the day I have to choose between the diva cup and those (Sorry Kim). Eww! I have to say that I can not take credit for this one. (The batteries, not the diva cup.) It was Chad's idea. He is the true hippie at heart. I am just a wannabe. But I'm working on it.
Alright, I am so behind. Not behind on the things I am doing, but behind on sharing them with the world. Or at least those of you who make the effort to read this post. Its still pretty easy. The little things are adding up. I decided to focus on some small steps that I, as well as others, can do. I'm recycling batteries. Many cities have recycling bags or boxes you can get. Fill it with batteries, close it up, and send it back in. Yes, yes we should use rechargables and we do. But not for everything. On day 345 when I can think of nothing else to do, I will go to all rechargables. Gotta save that for the day I have to choose between the diva cup and those (Sorry Kim). Eww! I have to say that I can not take credit for this one. (The batteries, not the diva cup.) It was Chad's idea. He is the true hippie at heart. I am just a wannabe. But I'm working on it.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Day 3
Rule 3 for Lessening Your Impact and Leaving the World a Better Place for Others
Alright, this is still pretty easy. I only have 362 days to go and 362 things to do to make the world a better place. Hmmm... So for today I decided I would wash clothes only in cold water. Nothing we wash is ever really that dirty. I am pretty sure my affinity for hot, steamy water comes from my grama. She washed everything in scalding hot water. I used to cringe watching her arms scream red as she finished the dinner dishes. Sorry grama, but your granddaughter is callin it quits. I have turned the water knob to cold and that's where its staying. Unless Chad gets to it.
Alright, this is still pretty easy. I only have 362 days to go and 362 things to do to make the world a better place. Hmmm... So for today I decided I would wash clothes only in cold water. Nothing we wash is ever really that dirty. I am pretty sure my affinity for hot, steamy water comes from my grama. She washed everything in scalding hot water. I used to cringe watching her arms scream red as she finished the dinner dishes. Sorry grama, but your granddaughter is callin it quits. I have turned the water knob to cold and that's where its staying. Unless Chad gets to it.
Monday, May 3, 2010
When you're tired, sleep
Although she has only been on this earth for five months, my darling little girl is an amazing creature who has already taught me (reminded me of) many things. Her natural impulses are so strong and I hope to help her maintain these for as long as possible. Unfortunately, life seems to get in the way for the rest of us and slowly these impulses fade. I know many of you think metaphors are cheesy, but I dig em. So here they come:
1. When you're tired, sleep. Naps are awesome. We need restful moments in our lives. Naps, walks, days off, vacations, and even moments to ourselves help us recharge. When Bug wakes up, she stretches her arms and beams. I must remember to take time for myself so I can feel that same joy.
2. When you're hungry eat. When you're full, stop. Luci senses an empty belly and knows she needs to do something about it. When she's full, she stops. So many of us sense those empty spots, yet do nothing to fill them. Others have full bellies, yet keep stuffing things in. We need to create that balance of "just full enough."
3. When you need something, start with a whimper. If its really important, let out a scream. Let the people around you know what you need. If they are not paying attention, give them one more chance to listen. Still not listening, let 'em know.
4. Life's too short to lay on your back. Roll over. Sit up. Don't just lay there.
5. Swings can be fun. And toys. And mirrors. And all sorts of endless other things. Get back to the things that you enjoy.
6. Slow down and stare at your hands. Relax. Chill. Take ten minutes just for yourself. Its the little things.
7. Only smile at people that matter to you. Luci only smiles at people she knows. Strangers spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to get her to smile to no avail. We spend alot of time and effort worrying about what people who don't even know us think. So stop.
8. The things you know how to do are amazing, so be proud of them. Watch a baby grin when she rolls over for the first time and tell me I am wrong.
9. You are surrounded by people who love you. Don't forget that. People spend enormous amounts of time letting children know how much they are cared for. We don't do this as much as we get older. Tell the people you love how you feel about them. Today.
Luci Stats at 5 months:
Weight 14.5 pounds
Height 27.5 inches
Two Lower Front Teeth
Rolling over Both Ways
Sitting with some Assistance
Loves: The Jumperoo, her Exersaucer, and her deer
1. When you're tired, sleep. Naps are awesome. We need restful moments in our lives. Naps, walks, days off, vacations, and even moments to ourselves help us recharge. When Bug wakes up, she stretches her arms and beams. I must remember to take time for myself so I can feel that same joy.
2. When you're hungry eat. When you're full, stop. Luci senses an empty belly and knows she needs to do something about it. When she's full, she stops. So many of us sense those empty spots, yet do nothing to fill them. Others have full bellies, yet keep stuffing things in. We need to create that balance of "just full enough."
3. When you need something, start with a whimper. If its really important, let out a scream. Let the people around you know what you need. If they are not paying attention, give them one more chance to listen. Still not listening, let 'em know.
4. Life's too short to lay on your back. Roll over. Sit up. Don't just lay there.
5. Swings can be fun. And toys. And mirrors. And all sorts of endless other things. Get back to the things that you enjoy.
6. Slow down and stare at your hands. Relax. Chill. Take ten minutes just for yourself. Its the little things.
7. Only smile at people that matter to you. Luci only smiles at people she knows. Strangers spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to get her to smile to no avail. We spend alot of time and effort worrying about what people who don't even know us think. So stop.
8. The things you know how to do are amazing, so be proud of them. Watch a baby grin when she rolls over for the first time and tell me I am wrong.
9. You are surrounded by people who love you. Don't forget that. People spend enormous amounts of time letting children know how much they are cared for. We don't do this as much as we get older. Tell the people you love how you feel about them. Today.
Luci Stats at 5 months:
Weight 14.5 pounds
Height 27.5 inches
Two Lower Front Teeth
Rolling over Both Ways
Sitting with some Assistance
Loves: The Jumperoo, her Exersaucer, and her deer
Day 2
Rule 2 for Lessening Your Impact and Leaving the World a Better Place for Others
This month, I am signing up us for automatic bill pay for anything else I have not yet done. This will save any stamps I need for those bills I can't pay online and save paper for those I can. It takes a little extra work and a little extra thought to make sure those get written into the check register, but I'm ready. Are you?
Alright so its actually Day 3, but I was busy yesterday. Life happens. Get off my back! Hehe....
I'm going paperless...For the most part, I am there. My bank statements are online, most of my bills are paid online, and the majority of my statements come to my email. Chad and I both have direct deposit and my company no longer even sends paystubs; they are available online. So I'm actually doing okay. Yet I have decided to do more.This month, I am signing up us for automatic bill pay for anything else I have not yet done. This will save any stamps I need for those bills I can't pay online and save paper for those I can. It takes a little extra work and a little extra thought to make sure those get written into the check register, but I'm ready. Are you?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Day 1 of my New Greeness
Rule 1 for Lessening Your Impact and Leaving the World a Better Place for Others
Stop taking reciepts at gas stations and atms. I know we are not yet at a place where other stores can offer this option. There have been many times when asked if I want my receipt, I say no only to have the receipt go in the trash. That is not what I meant. It would save alot of waste as well as money for a company to have registers that did not have to print a receipt if the customer didn't want one. But gas stations and atms do offer this option and we should avail ourselves of this. Take your checkbook...Write down the withdrawal....Move on with your day. Over the course of a year, you could save alot of paper.
Stop taking reciepts at gas stations and atms. I know we are not yet at a place where other stores can offer this option. There have been many times when asked if I want my receipt, I say no only to have the receipt go in the trash. That is not what I meant. It would save alot of waste as well as money for a company to have registers that did not have to print a receipt if the customer didn't want one. But gas stations and atms do offer this option and we should avail ourselves of this. Take your checkbook...Write down the withdrawal....Move on with your day. Over the course of a year, you could save alot of paper.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Goin' Green
I have decided to decrease my carbon footprint. Although I wasn't doing too shabby on that front already, now that Luci is here, I want to create a better world for her. Lame, right?
I already use reusable shopping bags, keep my heat turned down, recycle, keep lights on only in the room I am in, combine shopping trips, and pay my bills online. I feel slightly superior on garbage pick up days when I see other's trash cans completely over flowing, while ours is only half full. I feel even more superior when we place both of our recycling bins by the curb and note that many others do not even have one. This complex continues when Chad and I make trips to the local recycling facility to drop off things they will not pick up curb side.
Yet, I have many bad habits....
1. I am slightly addicted to the "clean" smell. I love harsh, strong cleaning products because they appear to make my house look and smell better. I know this is not true and have on occasion, used vinegar and baking soda with great sucess. Yet, like an addict I keep returning to the sauce.
2. I like magazines. I do not enjoy People, US Weekly, and publications such as those. Unfortunately, the magazines I do enjoy seem to always be supersized. Oprah and Real Simple make my day, yet take up a lot of space in the recycling bin. "But Heather," you say, "Those can be recycled." Yes, they can but the cost to produce them outweighs the benefits of recycling.
3. I use more toilet paper and paper towel than I should. I like clean things, enough said.
4. I can't seem to get into the idea of cloth diapering. I know I should, but I can't. It's not that I don't want to. It just seems like so much work. Please tell me I am wrong.
5. I use alot of copy paper in my job. I am a teacher and I create and copy a lot of documents for my students. I send many things home that I know just gets thrown away. We recycle in our classroom, yet I am not sure how to instill this at home.
The list goes on. So I am making a decision to spend some time working on making this list shorter. I already have many ideas for things to do, but am definately interested in learning about more....
I already use reusable shopping bags, keep my heat turned down, recycle, keep lights on only in the room I am in, combine shopping trips, and pay my bills online. I feel slightly superior on garbage pick up days when I see other's trash cans completely over flowing, while ours is only half full. I feel even more superior when we place both of our recycling bins by the curb and note that many others do not even have one. This complex continues when Chad and I make trips to the local recycling facility to drop off things they will not pick up curb side.
Yet, I have many bad habits....
1. I am slightly addicted to the "clean" smell. I love harsh, strong cleaning products because they appear to make my house look and smell better. I know this is not true and have on occasion, used vinegar and baking soda with great sucess. Yet, like an addict I keep returning to the sauce.
2. I like magazines. I do not enjoy People, US Weekly, and publications such as those. Unfortunately, the magazines I do enjoy seem to always be supersized. Oprah and Real Simple make my day, yet take up a lot of space in the recycling bin. "But Heather," you say, "Those can be recycled." Yes, they can but the cost to produce them outweighs the benefits of recycling.
3. I use more toilet paper and paper towel than I should. I like clean things, enough said.
4. I can't seem to get into the idea of cloth diapering. I know I should, but I can't. It's not that I don't want to. It just seems like so much work. Please tell me I am wrong.
5. I use alot of copy paper in my job. I am a teacher and I create and copy a lot of documents for my students. I send many things home that I know just gets thrown away. We recycle in our classroom, yet I am not sure how to instill this at home.
The list goes on. So I am making a decision to spend some time working on making this list shorter. I already have many ideas for things to do, but am definately interested in learning about more....
I am now a blogger
Who cares, right? Everyone is. And if they're not, they're still not interested. Well I'm interested, damn it so I choose to do it. Its like a diary on crack. But this is one diary I would let my younger sibling see.
I am a teacher, wife, mother, and apparently convinced that others want to hear about my daily trails and tribulations. Well if you do, please continue to come back and read. Be forewarned, I think I am superior to almost everyone and I judge people (including myself) somewhat harshly.
I am a teacher, wife, mother, and apparently convinced that others want to hear about my daily trails and tribulations. Well if you do, please continue to come back and read. Be forewarned, I think I am superior to almost everyone and I judge people (including myself) somewhat harshly.
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